We value others because we have a certain number of values and characteristics and when there is no correspondence or validation to our values and our characteristics, then, we judge, more often than not, in the negative. The truth is that we usually uphold the negative in others when we have the same characteristics we don't like in ourselves, meaning, when we are projecting our shortcomings towards others or when others don't hold dear what we hold dear or when the meaning of our values differs from person to person. For example, we see the great divide that is war, especially in this country. Why are we so conflicting? Are some people more patriot than others? Some would say that patriotism means to go fight for just causes; others say that it means that, as a country, we should respect others as well as be respected. This is a question of semantics, obviously, but strong enough to divide us. On the other hand, perhaps, to be part of this equation, we need to understand that are other people who do not hold patriotism, in whatever way it is defined, as an important value. Who are we to judge any one? Why are our values and characteristics more important than those of our neighbors? It is an exercise in futility to make everyone see things the way we see them simply because each of us has our own history. Like it or not, we are all made out of our spiritual beliefs, upbringing, family, education, social-economic status, gender, nationality, physicality, race, age, personality, and past and present life situation, to name some of the factors that define our values. How can we understand people unless we hold off our judgments? Let me give you an example: Many years ago I had the greatest strike of bad luck. During that year I had 4 car accidents, all related to traffic lights, none serious to me per se, but most greatly affecting my car. Imagine my trauma every time I had to stop at a traffic light. The last accident was really nothing. The car behind me didn't stop properly and touched my car's bumper. It was nothing more than a touch; not even a dent. I got out of the car, screaming and crying, totally out of control, to check the damage and to speak with the driver. Poor man! He couldn't understand the reason for such eruption. See what I mean? He judged me as and out of control crazy lady, to say the least. Had he know my history, he would have understood me. So, next time you are to judge a person, stop for a moment and think about this person's history. Chances are you will become more tolerant of this person and everyone else's. |
